It’ll Be Okay…. We’ll Get a Dog

We finally went and saw the movie we saw a preview for back in April (we mentioned it in this post: God, Surprise Me!).  I thought it would hit home some what, but little did I realize how much it would.

So for those who have seen it, will know what scene I am talking about and those who don’t here is a brief run down… the couple was driving back home after being told there was nothing more that could be done for them to have a kid of their own.  Well, there was this moment when she was crying and said something like… It’ll be okay, we’ll get a dog.  Then she pauses and finally says but I don’t want a dog.  It really just hit me.

I mean I knew exactly what she meant and how she felt.  Nothing can replace the desire to have a child; sadly not even a dog.  I mean maybe to some degree it helps, but it is not the same.  I have two fur babies whom I love dearly, and to me are part of the family, and like our kids, but to me it is still not the same and it does not take away the desire to have a child.

Have you ever felt that way?  Felt like when you were at the end of your rope or even part way there… that you thought about getting something to fill that void.  Hoping it would help, but realized it would not or could not.  To be honest it is partly why I wanted a pup in the first place, but I will say it did not get rid of that desire, not in the least.  Though it does help in some ways, in easing the pain to a degree.

The other thing that really hit me was that it reminded me to never give up.  We should not give up on a dream.  It, also, shows you that when one door closes you can open another one… adoption is always and option.

This movie really had my hubs and I talking.  He shared what point stuck out to him the most, which I thought was going to be the one I said (about getting a dog) but it wasn’t.

The part that stuck out to him was the part where they are in the elevator and a mom gets into the elevator with her child.  He said no one would get how hard that was for them.  How having to hear that there was nothing more that could be done and then having to see a child, let alone someone who has a child.  This made me see my hubs in a whole new light.  Sometimes he really does not share how he feels about certain things.

He then went on to say how people don’t always get how hard it is for us to see other have kids in general.  How they get to be happy, how they can pop kids out left and right…. how it hurts us because we want one of our own so bad.  And what gets to him the most is the fact that some people even complain about having those kids, when we would give anything to be going through those crappy moments… because it would mean that we had what we wanted most.

He is so right.  It is hard to see those things or to hear those things.  Or how we should be thankful we do not have kids cause we can do whatever we want and how we have all the time in the world together.  But this is not true.  We do not have all the extra time in the world; we are both busy people… and at this point there really isn’t much else we want to do as just a couple, but then to have a kid to care for.  Oh, and the other thing is how some people will say to me that I should be glad to not have to go through being pregnant… that one gets to me cause I really want that experience.

So many things running through our head, but at the end of the day we have come to realize we are not and will not give up yet.  Oh, and that we loved the movie despite how close it hit to home.

How many of you have felt this way or had these experiences?

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2 thoughts on “It’ll Be Okay…. We’ll Get a Dog

  1. Lynne Wallace says:

    Ditto. I’ve been shying away from that movie because I knew it’d make us cry. We hurt every day. I can’t even visit with our neighbors anymore because they all have kids. Hubs has stopped talking to people that won’t stop talking about their kids. Infertility has turned me into a hermit. My contact with the outside world exists on my computer.

    So many times I have heard that we should just go for adoption. Or that because we are so young, we should enjoy the ability to have a two-seater car, take vacations without needing to be kid-friendly… Or my dad telling me that he’s too young to have grandchildren.

    I love my “children”. It’s awesome to have a dog that doesn’t talk back or throw temper tantrums. And a bird that is convinced he doesn’t get enough attention. But it’s not the same. There’s no late night feeding and diaper changes. No falling asleep with a munchkin on your chest. No first words, first tooth, first steps. Or going back further, there’s no morning sickness or swollen feet.

    I want to scream at the people that complain about having kids. Because I’d take them in a heartbeat. It’s hard to keep your hopes up when everything keeps going wrong. But I’m trying to look at things in a more positive light this year… If you’ve got any ideas on how to turn this into something positive, I’d love to hear them 🙂

    • Mr & Mrs O says:

      How I’m changing my view is by ignoring people’s ignorance and their ungrateful attitudes. I can only change me and how I deal with things. I’m looking at this new year with a positive attitude and making the most of it. Learning to live and appreciate what I do have. Learning to work towards what I can to have a child but also not putting my life on hold either. I’m going to try to break out of my shell because I too have some what become a hermit. Sometimes I don’t mind it but realize I’m missing out too. But mostly I just want to have fun in our marriage. I took somewhat of a break the last year as far as fertility treatments. This month we will start the process over again. But we promised ourselves we will think only positive even if face with negative things. We will face each thing by finding the silver lining to things. This has helped me. Finding a positive in a trial or obstacle we face. It is not always easy but doing so has helped me tremendously and now it almost comes natural which is nice. It was hard at first but it gets easier to do as time goes by. This is not to say I don’t have moments I cry or get upset but I have my moment and pull myself back together.
      I don’t know if any of this helps but know you are not alone. Hugs from your Cyster 🙂

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