Angry with God

As I sit here and stare at this blanks slate I debate on whether to share these thoughts or not.  Maybe more fearful someone will take my words wrong, but I did say I would share my journey: ups and downs. However, I won’t share the full of what happened I think there is something worth sharing because it may just help another fellow believer who is facing infertility or suffering with something in their life.

I know my faith has been tested in many ways and despite that it has not wavered me from standing my ground with faith.  Now do not mistake that as I have never cried or struggled or questioned because believe me I have.  After all I am human and faith does not make that easier to deal with.  In fact I believe it makes your life’s walk harder.  I have still questioned things, I have hurt in many ways, I have been confused, I have even wondered if God knew my struggles, even thought myself unworthy of being blessed; among other things.  I’ve probably gone through most things others who believe and face infertility.  Though I would not in a long shot consider myself perfect or blameless, but most who know me know I stick to my beliefs.  Even after being told I would never have children I refused to believe it because God can make the impossible possible.  He even showed me I could get pregnant and though I had miscarried back then I still was not mad, maybe confused, but I still kept my faith.  I chose to see the silver lining in things and trust God, even when I don’t understand.  Even with all the things I have faced I have never once questioned my love for God, nor have I been mad at Him… that is until one day last month.

Just confessing that to whomever reads this makes me cringe, but I think it would be naive to believe we don’t have a moment like this in our life for one reason or another.  Anger can manifest differently for everyone and I say I have done well considering my struggle with miscarriages and infertility has been going on for 11 plus years.

As I recall that day I remember being overwhelmed with sadness only to have anger creep up my back.  It felt like a hot wave coming over me, one that swallowed me whole; and honestly took me by great surprise. I felt consumed, so much so, I honestly do not remember everything I said.  I remember feeling like God did not care, that he had abandoned me years ago. I remember saying something about how if he was all-powerful why couldn’t he just give me the one thing I wanted: a child.  Why did He allow me to keep losing little miracles.  I remember feeling like why do I bother believing, what good comes of it.  It seems like those who don’t believe get what they want, they even seem happy, or at least happier than I am at times.  I even thought what it would be like if I joined them, just so I could be happy.  Though that was blind ideals of happiness and having a baby. I thought of how people would tell me to let God know the desires of my heart or how if I just ask I will receive.  Well, truthfully that was not working for me because believe me He knows my desires, He knows what I want and I have told Him more times than I can remember.  However, I had had enough because I didn’t think I could take anymore.  It was a breaking point, that almost consumed my faith….

I remember at one point my husband coming over to me and trying to find words that would help me, but could not.  I think at one point he thought he had lost me.  I cried the most I have cried in a long time, and looked so lost and empty.  My husband said he had never seen me like this before and was scared that it had broken me and more than anything that was the last thing he wanted to see happen.  One thing he has loved me is my unwavering faith and how I view things.  But honestly I felt like my faith was leaving me and I couldn’t keep ahold of it and at that point my husband put his hand on my head, without saying anything… he just stood there as I sat crying on the couch.  Maybe he was praying, maybe he just wanted me to know he was there for me, either way my crying began slow and I looked up at my husband and said: “I just can’t do it….” as I paused he just looked at me in question as I finished with, “I still love Him!”  “I do!  I love God!”  At that very moment I had a release that no words can describe and I felt God had hug me as a peace came over me.  At that moment both my husband and I realized it did not completely break me; I still could not part from my faith.  I was relieved to know that what I thought would break me had not.

The next couple days I still felt not complete though.  I felt like I was just walking through a haze.  Then one day as I was sitting alone on the couch I just started crying and told God I was still confused and asked what was I doing wrong?  What do I need to change so I can have the desire I most want?  I just need to know because I feel so lost.  Part of me wanted to quit, but knew He did not want me to.  I even told him how I had felt bad for losing it and being angry.  Just then I heard a still small voice tell me to me to search: how long did Job suffer.  Of course I wanted to know why, but knew better and searched those words.  I then opened the first thing I saw, and the first thing I read is a a question: Have you experienced pain and suffering? Followed by … you also may find God much closer than you thought.

As I sat there I thought back to how so many had compared me to Job throughout my life.  I had read the book of Job years ago, and thought what could I possibly get from reading this when I have already read the book of Job.  Not sure where it was going I knew God had brought me to it for a reason, and I really had nothing to lose by reading it.   Obedience paid off because I had so many questions answered, and discovered that sometimes we may not get what we need from something in God’s word until the moment is right, and that moment was that day for me.

As I kept reading it went on to explain that Job suffered because he was among the best, not because he was the worst or that he had even done anything wrong.  So the tests began for Job and God still insisted to satan that Job loved Him, and would no matter what happened. Reading further it explains how Job lashed out, suffered and was even told that he had sinned to have deserved what he was going through.  Even showed moments when he questioned God.

I started to see so much of Job’s suffering as relatable.

I have often wondered why did I end up with PCOS and why I couldn’t be healed.  Instead I have been lead to believe I had not believed hard enough for the healing or that I had done something wrong or was missing something so that is why I was not healed.  This has always added to my confusion.  On top of wondering why I had gone through other things I had and why the miscarriages.

After reading I realized that though I am not Job, I can relate.  I even wonder how many of my fellow believing Cysters or those dealing with infertility have felt the same.  If you ever felt that perhaps you were doing something wrong to deserve what you are going through.  I hope that in sharing this you will realize what I did.

Though I suffer and have suffered a lot I have not done anything wrong and in knowing this satan can no longer hold this over me.  Perhaps like Job my journey is show satan that even if I go through this trial that despite what I face I still choose to believe.  I choose to still LOVE God in spite of everything, even when I have done nothing to deserve the trials I have faced.  My choice to do so is powerful.  I am saying that God is still God no matter what, and is worthy of my love and worship.  I am putting satan in his place by showing him no matter what he is allowed to do on this earth that I along with others will still choose God.  There are those who will love Him unconditionally, just as He loves us.

So that day I thought would break me allowed for God to show me something that perhaps I would not have been able to see without it happening.  I am pretty sure that satan was using it to break me, and I am sure he had a moment where he thought he had won.  However, he was soon put in his place when I spoke, with such force, my love for God.  Though I did not realize how powerful my words were at that point, I do now.  I, also, realize God has not left me and has chosen this journey for me for a reason, just as He chooses a journey for each of us.  I hope that you will choose to love and trust Him no matter what you face, even when you have done nothing to deserve it.

In my moment of anger I found a renewed love for God and a deeper trust and understanding of my relationship with Him.  For this I am thankful.  My anger brought about something beautiful.

I LOVE Him, and I chose to TRUST Him!

A Loss is a Loss: Miscarriage Hurts Too

It is sad when anyone loses a child, but I wonder why some think that losing one due to miscarriage is some how less sad, or less painful.  I really don’t get it honestly.  I am sure it is hard for anyone, but maybe infertility puts a different twist on things because I just don’t see it that way.  Maybe this isn’t for everyone to read because some may not agree with me, but in the end this is Mr O’s and my blog, so I am free to say as I (we) please.

To me having a miscarriage doesn’t hurt less.  I don’t care if it was one week or two weeks or a month or more, it still hurts.  Period.  When someone tries to prove otherwise by saying well at least you didn’t have to give birth, that would have made it harder.  Harder than what, is what I would like to know.  I still lost my baby I don’t care how long or when I still lost them: it hurts!  Also, for those who see it as only a fetus that matters not, because I don’t!  The loss hurts more than words can say.  Maybe it hurts even more in my eyes because I suffer with infertility and it is one more reminder of my struggle and one more reminder that I don’t have what I want.  I could go on and on.

Then there’s those who say that since they carried their’s longer than I did that somehow that makes it worse.  Sorry, but nope, not in my eyes.  A loss is a loss and I think how dare you try to prove that my loss was less significant than yours.  How can they even say that mine hurt less than their’s did.  It truly infuriates me.  Do not tell me how I should feel or that you think you know what I am going through, because if you even remotely knew how I felt you would not have said those words.

Or there are those who tell me at least you didn’t have to hold them for a few minutes and then lose them; because it was really hard for them to go through. How they would have rather not gone through holding them because it hurt so bad.  I am sure it did and it was hard and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but all I can think of is how I would give anything to have that chance to hold my child, if even for a moment.  I would suffer the pain to be able to do so.  I know it wouldn’t be easy, but  I would treasure that one moment, that to me, was stolen.  I didn’t get to have that opportunity, and I wonder why they can’t see how I would love to have that blessing: to hold them. Please don’t down play how I feel just because I didn’t get to physically hold my child.

There are, also, those who will say their pain is more painful because they got time with their child, time to build memories and since they had to live with them longer it is harder to deal with.  More painful to be without them.  So since they got to spend more time with their child it someone makes my loss easier?? However, it does not.  It still hurts just the same because the things you miss are the things I wish I had.  I still long for something that has not yet come.  I only get to dream of memories I wish I could make with my child and again I would treasure that time if I was given it because I would take even just a minute with them.  To see them, feel them, touch them, smell them and to hold them.  I’d count their toes, give them Eskimo kisses, wrap their fingers around mine.  I would intake every minute I had with them and memorize it for eternity.

Or how there are those who like to say that I should be use to it since I’ve already gone through a miscarriage.  Somehow people think it is supposed to be easier the more you have??  Sorry, but just because you experience a loss more than once or twice or more times does not mean it gets easier.  Does anyone else see how silly that thought is?  Or is it just me.  You see they were each their own person, whom I will miss and grieve for.  I mean it is not like you don’t grieve for each family member or friend you lose. It is not like if you suffer your first loss of a family member and that some how you just don’t hurt when another passes.  Each loss hurts, so now you see why that is silly to say to someone.  It is not like losing another makes it any easier.  They each are a different person, one to be loved and missed, and that is no different from having multiple miscarriages.

Now if you’ve even made it this far let me explain I truly am a kind person and I try my best to see things from all points of view, but I think that sometimes letting it out or shedding some light on a situation can help someone realize what they do when they say the things they do.  I am aware that sometimes people say things with the full intention they are helping, but in the long run they are making it worse.  When someone suffers a miscarriage:  Never tell someone they should be grateful for what you think they did or did not have to go through when they have suffered a loss.  Never down play their loss as not important.  Never tell them it does not hurt as much as your loss.  Never act like a miscarriage is less painful than losing a child later in life.

My point is not that my pain is worse than someone else’s or more important.  My point to this post is that each person’s pain is real, no matter how you look at it.  In the end a loss is a loss and you don’t have the right to put someone’s pain off for less than what it is.  Instead realize that they just suffered a loss and are hurting, and find a way to be a comfort to them without saying things that only make the situation worse.  Think back to the time you were in that situation of losing your child and think back to the things people would say to you that drove you completely nutty and wish they would just shut their mouths and let you cry, vent and fall apart.  Take time to realize that sometimes all they need is someone to cry with.  Someone to listen to them and hold them.  It is often better to say no words, but just be there as a shoulder for them to cry on.  And if you have to say something, just try saying “I am sorry for your loss”. IMG_2577

 

Life with Infertility

Very True!

I really hope you will take a minute to read this.  Truly it is a must read for anyone who knows us personally, but also for anyone who knows someone facing infertility.  I feel to often it is far easier for people not to actually try to see what it is like from our point of view – to see a glimpse of what we face.   To understand that we do not just need to relax or stop trying – that there is so much more to it than that.

Please read this article: Infertility Etiquette <=== click here, I know it is a bit long, but it would mean a lot to us.

It is a little glimpse of what it is like for us and for others facing fertility issues.  Hopefully, it will help you understand a bit more what it is like to hear what we hear or be in our shoes.

Writing My Overcomer Story?

It is no secret, or at least in this house, that I love Mandisa.  The strangest thing is I fell in love with her music before even discovering she had been on American Idol.  I know you may think that sounds strange, but I don’t watch much TV.  We do not even have cable – just Netflix and huluplus, which I do not watch that much.

Anyways, I was able to watch her new video for her song: Overcomer and was so touched by those that had struggled in that video.  It made me think of how what I am facing could be so much worse than it is.  Yes I wish I did not have weight issues because of PCOS, and I wish I did not have to deal with Infertility issues, but in the grand scheme of things I do have control over certain aspects of this journey.

Here is a pic to her new album 🙂 Someday it would be great to meet her in person.

I do not have to give in or give up.  I can choose to keep on fighting and I can choose to work my bootay off to get my weight under control.  Yeah it is going to be a lot of work, and I mean A LOT, but when I think of it there are people who have conquered bigger obstacles than that.  Her song had me thinking of when is it my turn to write my Overcomer story?  I mean the longer I wait to write it the less chance I have of having that opportunity.  There are so many health issues that can arise from having PCOS that if I do not do something now, I may not have a second chance to do so.

It is time to wake up and realize I am not alone in my trials – everyone has them.  After hearing the song and watching the video it has inspired me to write my story – and it starts today.  It is not about even sharing that story or being known for it – at this point I am writing that story for ME.  No one else.  However, I hope to share parts of my journey of course and in the process I surely hope it helps someone else with PCOS know they are not alone and that it is possible to fight – even if it feels impossible.  I have been up and down with my weight since 2003, and that is a long time – however I still have a chance to make a change and when you have that you should take it.  So that is what I am going to do 🙂

I love a lot of Mandisa’s songs and a lot of them have helped me overcome things and look at things differently and for that I am thankful.  This new song of hers had done just that, and I cannot wait to be an overcomer of my obstacles – of PCOS.

Cause if I am truthful with myself – and I am sure I am not the only one – I know I do not give it 100% all the time when it comes to weight loss.  It is hard, extremely hard – and that is putting it lightly.  It makes me feel discouraged and want to give up – and I do at times.  I think we like to fool ourselves into thinking we tried, but really we only partly try.  We give in or give up after we do not see the results we want in a week or two.  Or even a month or more sometimes.  Or there are other things that get in our way – such as my fear of going through another miscarriage, because every time I push myself and give 100% I end up getting pregnant, but then having a miscarriage 😦 So then I just want to not try because it is never fun going through that experience.  However, it is time to move forward and if I do not I am only harming myself and my dreams.

Just 1 Question

Have you ever asked a magic 8 ball a question?  Did you like the answer?  Or did you not like it and then ask it again in hopes of getting a different answer – one you would accept 🙂

I have, but never honestly do it thinking I will get a truthful answer… I do it more for the fun of it.  However, I will admit that I have asked it serious questions, but always got that the reply was hazy or ask again later.

So then I was thinking that If I could ask just one question and have an answer to it, what would it be?  I mean just one question no more and no multiple questions in the same question – just one.

If I knew I would get a truthful and honest answer to the one thing I wanted to know most… would I have the courage to do so?  There is always the possibility of getting an answer I do not like… and there is no shaking the ball to ask it again in hopes of getting a different answer.   I personally would want to ask my question from God.

However, everyone has a different walk in life so let say you could ask just one question to either God, psychic or whomever you think would be able to provide you with that one answer you wanted to know most… Do you know what you would ask?  And if you did would you ask it?  I suppose most would say yes, but I am not sure I would have enough courage to do so.  Yet again maybe I would because then I would know and I could move on and just be done with it… have my definite answer, whether I liked it or not.

I am sure many who suffer the same journey I do would ask something very similar to what I would ask.  Then I think about the fact that I may not be satisfied with just one question because the one question I have could leave many possibilities in how I get to that answer, however, if the answer was simply no then that would be that.

Suffering with infertility and after trying for so long I always ask will I ever get to be a mom?  Will I ever get that chance?  Who wouldn’t want to know when that is one of the biggest desires of your heart at this current time in life.  I would so want to know, but would be heartbroken if I heard no I will never get to be a mom… however, I believe that if that were the case I would be able to make it through it with God’s help and trust He knows best.  Though it would still be heartbreaking.

But, lets say I was told yes I would… then I would wonder – when and how.  Would it be biologically or through adoption?  And when would it happen soon or would I still have to wait longer – like years.  Oh, the joys of wanting to know something that an answer may not even satisfy.

So, if you had one question what would it be?   Also, would you ever have the courage to ask it or would you truly not want to know the answer knowing the possibility you may not want to hear it?

Fear: Alone in the End

So I was sitting here just thinking and for some reason the weirdest thought came to me.  Why I even thought about it is beyond me or where it even came from is a bit boggling… either way it had me wondering about a fear I never really knew I had until now.  A fear of being alone in the end… and not just any type of alone the alone feeling a non-parent would probably only have… let me clarify.

I was thinking about the fact that when you are old you get to enjoy watching your children grow and their children.  The joy of being a grandparent and knowing your family line goes on.  Watching your little family keep on growing and living on.  Just the knowing that a piece of you will live on in each one of those individuals. It probably gives you some sort of peace in knowing this and that when the time comes for you to take on your next journey in life you will have a sense of happiness in knowing these things.

But what happens when it cannot or does not?  I mean it is a possibility this is what will happen to my hubs and I; not that I want it to or am giving up on the dream of being a mom some day.  I then thought how I never want to be in a nursing home, but what if I was??  Who would come visit me??  Besides my husband, I mean I would have no children or grandchildren to care for me or visit me (not that I want to have to be taken care of).  The bigger fear was in having  no one to share my husband’s and I’s little family traditions, hopes, dreams, life’s stories with.  Having those things passed on to anyone.  As if when my husband and I are gone that part of the family line vanishes a little each day until each person who may have known you is gone.  Pretty sad actually, but there you have it.  An unkind and unwanted morbid thought that crossed my mind.

It really just hit like a ton of bricks that if I come to the terms of accepting I will never be a mom I have to grasp the reality of this fear.  Or more so a thought of unhappiness.  It really makes me sick to my stomach actually to think about it.  Even while I write this and the only reason I am sharing this is I am hoping I am not the only one who has thought this or perhaps even if you had not, that by reading this, it will be realized I am not alone in this semi morbid thought.

How I wish that no one would ever have to feel this way or face infertility.  How I wish more than anything that someone or somehow we would be blessed with a child and not that it even has to be by birth.  Even if it was someone who said here we have a child you can adopt or that some day we would get an anonymous gift of money (or a not anonymous) that would pay for an adoption.  More than that I hope this for all those out there who suffer as we do and deserve to have their little miracle bundle of joy.

 

Saying Good-Bye

So we are writing this as we say good-bye to yet another.  We would have written about this earlier, however, we went to see family for Christmas (early) and because of the circumstances I became sick and am now just starting to feel “normal” again.  We even debated on whether to share this or not, but in the end we told ourselves it is part of our journey to fill our nest; and besides we’ve never held back before.  So why start now.

So for those who have followed regularly on my ferning and have wondered what it meant I can tell you it is, to me, good news versus bad.  Though the result is sad/bad news I must see the silver lining.  The good news first is I was pregnant 🙂 woot woot.

However, on 12/12/12 the flood gates opened and we said good-bye to our 3rd little angel.  I am sad, or I should say we are sad and though most do not understand how we are the way we are when faced with sad circumstances yet again… we choose to see the positives and focus on those rather than the things that make us sad.  Perhaps it is a coping mechanism, however you want to call it.. it is what it is and I’d rather us be that way then the other.  For if it were that way we’d be in a deep, and I mean deep, hole and would never come out again.

We in a sense were prepared that it may happen because it was so long since I had a cycle, March 2012 to November 2012… that is a lot of months in between.  And the cycle in November was not enough in my eyes to have cleaned out all the old lining.  With that being the case it was a high chance that the lining was not healthy enough to carry to term.  Despite this we still hoped and prayed just maybe it would stick, but it did not. When the lining is old it is toxic and not an ideal situation for the egg to grow and mature.  However, I am sure everything and then some is out now.

We have had our time to grieve and do as we needed once we got back home.  I think the hardest part was that we didn’t really get to grieve fully till a couple of days ago.  To really think about it and let it sit in.  The reason for this is it happened the night before we left to go home and see family.  Call me insane I insisted on going anyways because we have not been with family for a holiday in like 5 years and it usually never happens.  Plus, I did not want to ruin anyones holiday with our sad news.  So Mr. O and I kept our mouth shut, sucked it up and went home.  We did not tell anyone except our moms, which even then we did not plan on doing.  Since I was bleeding so much, I cannot remember how many times I bleed through my pants (in public no less) and had to wash and change them.  I was wearing the ultra tampons (didn’t have a choice) with a pad and bleeding through them in less than an hour.  This is no joke.  This went on until that Sunday, and Sunday it started to die down a bit.

So in this happening we tried to play it off as if Aunt Flo had come for a visit, but Mr. O figured with his mom being a nurse would know better, so he told her when I was in the bathroom at one point dealing with another mess.  And as for my mom finding out, it happened in a round about way, which was not planned at all.  None of our other family knew what was going on with me and I wanted to keep it this way.  If you are a family member and now just reading this, please do not be mad that we did not say anything.  It was for sanity and personal reasons at that point.

Well, then we got back home and because I did not let my body just rest and I was losing so much blood I ended up getting sick this last week 😦 which is was not fun.  I know I should have rested more and probably should have stayed home, but I would not change my choice to see family if I had to do it all over again.  I miss my family dearly and I wanted to see them.  On top of that my grandparents are not getting any younger and I want every chance I can to see them.

So we went and bought balloons and let them go, as way to say good-bye to the one we just lost and to say we are thinking about all three of our angels this Christmas.  We got a star shaped balloon and picked the color for the months birthstone we lost them in.  So we got a red one for the first one we lost in January, an orange for the 2nd one we lost in November, and a blue for this one we just lost this December.

We, also, lit 3 candles… one for each one we lost and they are still burning as I write this.  They have been going since this morning and we will let them keep burning till they go out on their own.  There is a picture below 🙂

We did a little video if you want to check it out on our vlog channel: click here.  It is a short quick video and would love for you to watch it.  It is about a minute and a half.

In the end we are staying positive in thoughts because it shows I am making progress with my weight loss and that I am ovulating again and hormones are balancing 🙂 all these are positives to us.  We are not giving up yet and will of course keep you posted.  We have decided not to check ferning for the rest of this month and we might not in January because of what has happened.  I just want to focus on my weight loss as originally planned, as I know now that I am ovulating.  If it happens it happens, but I want my focus on becoming healthy again and kicking PCOS… you know.  I may change my mind, we will see.

If you have any questions I may have not touched on please feel free to ask in a comment to this post and I will answer.  Do not be afraid to ask, as the reason we share this story and the rest of our journey we do not mind answering your questions.  There is not TMI to us.

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Worst Thing About PCOS

ImageSo what’s the worst thing about PCOS?  Do you have a worst?  The hubs and I were sitting here talking and I was listing off the things that I hate about PCOS, and how it just feels so unfair sometimes.  But who doesn’t feel like that when they have something wrong with them… in all honesty I am sure everyone can relate to the feeling of life not being fair.

I was saying, basically listing off, anything I could think of that I have disliked because of PCOS… and the thing is there are a lot of them, and I am sure everyone I listed off, most Cysters could relate to at least one of them or all.  The biggest thing for me is feeling like a failure when it comes to giving my hubs a child.  However, how often do we hear what our spouse thinks the worst thing is?  Do they speak of it?  Do they tell you?  Do you ask? or are you afraid to ask?  It was in that moment I asked him what he hated most about it.

This is what he had to say:

The thing I hate the most is that it has robbed me (Mrs. O) of many things: happiness, confidence, dreams, etc.  How it has robbed our marriage of the same things.  However, despite those things he says it has shown  him many wonderful things about me (Mrs. O) as well.  How I have grown into the person I am today, how though it may have taken me time to find myself again… the point is I did.  He sees my daily fight as an inspiration because many people would quit if they were in my shoes.

And here I thought he would just list off a bunch of negatives.  His comment really hit me and in a good way.  However, I had to ask how he felt about me not being able to give him a child… did he see me as a failure?  Did I rob him of his dream of having a family.  Even though part of me really didn’t want to know, I had to know how he really felt.

He said:

No he did not see me as a failure.  Even though he wants to have a child that does not mean we cannot have a child through adoption or other means.  And even if we never had a child he would still die a happy man.  Kid or no kid we are family just as we are… a child does not make us more a family than we are now.

He has a great point we are a family and we have always thought about adopting even if we had our own.  Despite that, it is still hard to not feel like I have failed him in some way, but his answers show me more of why I married him… why I fell in love with him.  God truly knew who I needed when he gave me him.  This moment made me fall in love with him even more.

So fellow Cysters have you ever asked your spouse the thing they find the worst about PCOS?  Also, what is the one thing that you find the worst?  Let me know in a comment.

Myths About PCOS

Image I thought it would be worth sharing the myths and facts of PCOS that I have come across through searching through the internet.  Like a one stop shop… so you can see the different ones.  Some may be repeated, but I left each the way the original person wrote it; and I have sourced the place I found the information.  If you find any other ones I did not please share them in a comment to this, along with the sourced link 🙂

MYTHS & TRUTHS 

MYTH 1: If you are overweight you will just have to put up with it because there is nothing you can do.

WRONG! If you have PCOS and you are overweight, it can be more challenging to lose weight than the ‘average’ person, but it is certainly not impossible. The only way you will lose weight and keep it off is by dealing with the underlying factors that cause you to hold onto fat. Fat will not be burned when insulin levels are high, so you need to target insulin resistance by following a low GI diet, doing regular aerobic and resistance exercise every 2 days, maximising your sleep, and taking nutritional supplements. A multivitamin is a good place to start, but insulin resistant people need more magnesium, chromium, and B vitamins as well. If you are taking metformin you should supplement with a multivitamin and separate vitamin B12 tablet. A naturopath can also prescribe you a herbal formula to target insulin resistance.

MYTH 2: If you have PCOS you won’t be able to have kids without the help of IVF.

WRONG! Although having PCOS can make it difficult to conceive, and IVF has helped many women with PCOS to become mothers, it is not the only option for you. There are also many women who have conceived with less invasive treatments, and some even just with natural treatments. With PCOS, ovulation does not always occur regularly, so the first step is to determine if you are ovulating which you can do via blood tests, daily temperature testing, and/or ovulation detector kits (although these may not be 100% accurate for PCOS). If you are, great! it’s a matter of getting the timing right for conception. If not, seek help with naturally stimulating ovulation. Losing 5% of body fat can help restore ovulation, as can reducing stress, dealing with nutritional deficiencies, and restoring hormonal balance with herbal medicine and/or acupuncture. You can still have PCOS and be a mother!

MYTH 3: PCOS is only a real concern if you are trying to conceive.

WRONG! For many women, trying to conceive is the biggest concern they have with PCOS, but PCOS brings with it many other concerns that can be just as challenging. The effect that PCOS has on a woman’s femininity and self esteem cannot be underestimated. Depression can be a real consequence of this and should be taken seriously. The physical issues that occur with PCOS such as excess hair, hair loss, weight gain, and acne can cause a lot of distress and are sometimes dismissed by health professionals as being only a cosmetic problem, when in fact they are a consequence of more serious underlying imbalances. Insulin resistance is a major health concern underlying many PCOS symptoms and should be dealt with as early as possible, to prevent the risk of diabetes. If your symptoms are being dismissed as minor, when you know they are affecting your quality of life… find a new health professional who will take you seriously. It is your right to have a supportive health guide who will not judge or dismiss you.

MYTH 4: PCOS goes away after menopause, or a hysterectomy will fix all my problems.

WRONG! After menopause, a lot of changes occur. Some of your PCOS symptoms may subside such as period problems obviously, but the underlying metabolic causes of PCOS will still be there. Menopause will not cure your PCOS, although it will affect you differently. You may still experience excess hair and acne, weight gain, and sugar cravings. Although the name of the syndrome implies an ovarian basis, cystic ovaries are really just another one of the possible symptoms that you can experience. Don’t be fooled into thinking a hysterectomy will fix all your problems either. As with menopause, it will stop period problems, but it won’t stop the other symptoms. After menopause or a hysterectomy, you are more at risk of weight gain, osteoporosis, hot flushes, and cardiovascular disease. PCOS is a whole body condition that requires a more ‘holistic approach’.

MYTH 5: The oral contraceptive pill will ‘regulate’ my cycle.

SOUNDS RIGHT, BUT IS TECHNICALLY WRONG! Taking the pill will provide your body with artificial hormones to simulate what a normal cycle is supposed to be. It gives you a period regularly which can prevent the lining of the uterus from building up which is beneficial, and it is also a good contraceptive, and can reduce symptoms such as acne and excess hair. BUT, most pills actually make insulin resistance WORSE! Why take something that is going to stimulate one of the main factors contributing to your symptoms? The pill may also increase the development of atherosclerosis, a process that leads to heart disease in which PCOS women are more at risk of. So, the pill is not really regulating your cycle because it is not allowing your body to do the work, it is doing the work for your body. A regulated cycle is one that is occurring regularly of it’s own accord.

(source for above)

I have PCOS — I am never going to be able to have a baby.
MYTH. Some women with PCOS are able to become pregnant with no assistance. Many more are able to become pregnant with minor assistance and others still with IVF. It depends on the severity of your PCOS and what exactly is going on. Your fertility doctor will work with you to figure out where the problem is. Once your doctor has more information, you can work together to figure out the best ways to help you get pregnant.

I would know if I had PCOS.
MYTH. It would not necessarily be obvious that you have PCOS. Though for some women the symptoms are clear-cut, PCOS is associated with a wide range of sometimes-vague symptoms. It can occasionally take years to reach a diagnosis. And there are a few other rare conditions that have similar symptoms. If you are having trouble becoming pregnant and have any of the symptoms of PCOS, talk to your fertility doctor about doing some tests to explore the possibility of PCOS.

I had an ultrasound and it did not show any cysts on my ovaries, so PCOS cannot be the problem.
MYTH. Some women do not show cysts on their ovaries but have other symptoms that lead to them being diagnosed and treated for PCOS. Other women have cysts on their ovaries but do not have PCOS. The presence of cysts can be an important symptom in identifying PCOS, but it is only part of the picture.

Women whose mother or sister has PCOS are more likely to have PCOS.
FACT. There appears to be a genetic component to PCOS.

All women with PCOS are overweight.
MYTH. Many women with PCOS are overweight, but thin women can have PCOS as well. If you have signs and symptoms of PCOS, you should talk to your fertility doctor about the possibility.

I have PCOS — losing weight can improve my chances of becoming pregnant.
FACT. Losing as little as 5 percent of your body weight can help balance your hormone levels which can help improve your fertility. Because of the way insulin is processed in many women with PCOS, a diet with a low glycemic index may be the most beneficial way to lose weight.

There’s no cure for PCOS.
FACT. But there ARE treatments that can improve your health and fertility. Losing weight is one of the most important things you can do. You may be given clomiphene citrate, which helps you to produce more FSH. If you are also insulin resistant, you may be given a drug called Metformin (or glucophage) that makes you sensitive to insulin and can help return ovulation to normal. Depending on what other symptoms you have, you might be given medication for acne or excess hair growth, too.

(source for above)

Myth: PCOS Only Affects Women in Their 30′s and Beyond

Fact: The fact of the matter is that PCOS does not discriminate based on age. While it was once thought that PCOS only affected pre-menopausal women in their 30s and beyond, the medical community is now recognizing that the condition can affect females of all ages, and even young adolescent girls.

Myth: Women Who Develop PCOS Cannot Have Children

Fact: The truth is that while PCOS can complicate conception, it does not have to prevent you from having a baby. There are treatments and lifestyle changes that can help you manage your condition and, as a result, achieve pregnancy when you are ready.

Myth: All Women Who Have PCOS Have Ovarian Cysts

Fact: The name of this disorder is very misleading. Many women assume that PCOS only exists in women who develop ovarian cysts. This is definitely not true. PCOS is a hormone-related disorder and ovarian cysts, while common in women who have the condition, do not have to be present in order for the disorder to be diagnosed.

Myth: All Women with PCOS Are Overweight

Fact: While PCOS and the resulting insulin resistance can lead to excess weight and obesity, not all women who have PCOS are overweight nor do women who live with this condition have to remain overweight if they are having trouble losing excess pounds. A proper diet and certain insulin-regulating medications can help the weight problems that are commonly caused by this frustrating disorder. If PCOS has led to significant weight changes in your body, there is hope. While you won’t be able to lose the weight overnight, you will be able to fight these changes and get your body back.

Myth: There is No Cure for PCOS

Fact: This myth is technically true. There is no actual “cure” for PCOS. However, there are many treatments and lifestyle changes that can help you take control of the disorder. A proper diet, control of insulin and an active lifestyle can make a significant difference. For example, if you are insulin resistant due to your PCOS, you might be given a prescription called Metformin. If you are suffering from acne, a dermatologist can help you control your acne symptoms. Instead of letting your PCOS control you, these changes will help you control your PCOS.

(source for above)

Myth #1:  If you have PCOS and are overweight, you will not be able to lose weight.
While it may be more difficult for a woman with PCOS to lose weight, it is certainly not impossible.  PCOS affects insulin production, so a change in diet is an important factor to get insulin levels under control.  Also, regular exercise and sufficient sleep are beneficial to women with PCOS who are trying to lose weight.  Adding a multivitamin to your diet can also help to control insulin resistance.

Myth #2:  In vitro fertilization is the only solution for PCOS sufferers.  
PCOS makes conception more difficult, but it is not impossible to conceive naturally despite having PCOS through the use of certain alternative treatments.  An ovulation kit can help you to determine when you are ovulating, and in turn assist in determining the best time to attempt to conceive a child.  Losing weight can also help to increase the likelihood of conceiving a child for those with PCOS.  In some cases, herbal medicines and acupuncture have even been found to have beneficial effects on restoring the ovulation cycle.

Myth #3:  PCOS only affects a woman’s ability to conceive.
While one of the major side effects of PCOS is its affect on fertility, there are a number of other side effects that go along with PCOS that can present challenges.  Weight gain, acne, excess hair growth, and hair loss are all common physical symptoms that require treatment, and can affect a woman’s overall quality of life.  If PCOS symptoms are affecting your quality of life, it is important to speak with a qualified medical professional to learn of the treatment options that are available.

Myth #4:  Hysterectomies solve PCOS.
Some women experience a decrease in PCOS symptoms after menopause, but the underlying causes of the PCOS symptoms may still be present.  Hysterectomies work well to stop period problems, but they do not cure other issues associated with PCOS.

Myth #5:  Birth control pills will regulate the menstrual cycle and cure PCOS.
This is true in the sense that the pill provides artificial hormones that simulate a normal menstrual cycle.  The downside is that most birth control pills actually exacerbate the problem of insulin resistance, which is one of the main factors that contribute to PCOS symptoms.

(source for above)

Myth #1: I don’t plan to have children so it doesn’t matter if I don’t ovulate

Truth: it doesn’t matter if you plan on having children or not, if you don’t ovulate each month, your body is deprived of a vital hormone, progesterone, which means you may be more susceptible to estrogen dominance conditions like fibroids, breast cancer and endometriosis.

Myth #2: I get a period regularly so I must be ovulating

Truth: Having regular periods does not mean that you are ovulating. It just means that estrogen production increases and decreases each month to signal development of the uterine lining and subsequent shedding. Regular ovulation is vital to healthy hormone balance regardless of parenthood plans.

Myth #3: The ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries so I can’t have PCOS

Truth: The name is misleading, people with Polycystic ovarian syndrome, do not have to have cysts present on the ovaries. The body breaks down and resolves cysts regularly so cysts can come and go. The syndrome is diagnosed on the basis of the presence of a collection of symptoms that can include some (but not all) of the following: head hair loss, excess facial/body hair, weight gain, insulin resistance, poor glucose tolerance, irregular menstrual cycles, anovulation, infertility, acne and oily skin.

Myth #4: The blood tests were fine so there’s nothing wrong hormonally

Truth: Hormone blood tests are notoriously poor predictors of health or disease. The reference ranges are incredibly broad (eg. for and are set based on an average of the values measured amongst the general population. Reference ranges for hormones should be set by health screening the people being used to set the range for any reproductive disorders such as fibroids, breast cancer, endometriosis, PCOS, irregular menses, heavy menses, painful periods, infertility, anovulation etc. Select only those who have perfectly regular periods, who ovulate every month at midcycle, have no evidence of fibroids or endometriosis, no history of reproductive organ problems etc, then use those people to set a healthy range.

Myth #5: If I have endometriosis, PCOS or fibroids, I can’t have children or I can only have children if I undergo aggressive fertility treatments like In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

Truth: You can have children with any of these conditions, they do not automatically spell infertility. Depending on the severity of the condition, the best course of action may be either combination conventional therapies like drugs and surgery with naturopathic treatment or naturopathic treatment alone may be sufficient to solve the problem.

Myth #6: If there was something that could help with my problem, my specialist would know about it

Truth: Unfortunately not. Most medical doctors have quite enough on their plate to keep abreast of the latest drugs and surgical options and see a wealth of patients every day. They have neither the time nor the interest in investigating naturopathic treatments for disease.

Myth #7: There is no research to support naturopathic therapies

Truth: There is plenty of research to support acupuncture, herbal medicine, vitamins and nutritional supplements. There was a time as little as 10 years ago when research was sparse. Public interest in using more natural therapies has sparked interest in researching remedies that have stood the test of time for hundreds if not thousands of years.

(source for above)

MYTH 1: If you are overweight you will just have to put up with it because there is nothing you can do.

WRONG! If you have PCOS and you are overweight, it can be more challenging to lose weight than the ‘average’ person, but it is certainly not impossible. The only way you will lose weight and keep it off is by dealing with the underlying factors that cause you to hold onto fat. Fat will not be burned when insulin levels are high, so you need to target insulin resistance by following a low GI diet, doing regular aerobic and resistance exercise every 2 days, maximising your sleep, and taking nutritional supplements. A multivitamin is a good place to start, but insulin resistant people need more magnesium, chromium, and B vitamins as well. If you are taking metformin you should supplement with a multivitamin and separate vitamin B12 tablet. A naturopath can also prescribe you a herbal formula to target insulin resistance.

MYTH 2: If you have PCOS you won’t be able to have kids without the help of IVF.

WRONG! Although having PCOS can make it difficult to conceive, and IVF has helped many women with PCOS to become mothers, it is not the only option for you. There are also many women who have conceived with less invasive treatments, and some even just with natural treatments. With PCOS, ovulation does not always occur regularly, so the first step is to determine if you are ovulating which you can do via blood tests, daily temperature testing, and/or ovulation detector kits (although these may not be 100% accurate for PCOS). If you are, great! it’s a matter of getting the timing right for conception. If not, seek help with naturally stimulating ovulation. Losing 5% of body fat can help restore ovulation, as can reducing stress, dealing with nutritional deficiencies, and restoring hormonal balance with herbal medicine and/or acupuncture. You can still have PCOS and be a mother!

MYTH 3: PCOS is only a real concern if you are trying to conceive.

WRONG! For many women, trying to conceive is the biggest concern they have with PCOS, but PCOS brings with it many other concerns that can be just as challenging. The effect that PCOS has on a woman’s femininity and self esteem cannot be underestimated. Depression can be a real consequence of this and should be taken seriously. The physical issues that occur with PCOS such as excess hair, hair loss, weight gain, and acne can cause a lot of distress and are sometimes dismissed by health professionals as being only a cosmetic problem, when in fact they are a consequence of more serious underlying imbalances. Insulin resistance is a major health concern underlying many PCOS symptoms and should be dealt with as early as possible, to prevent the risk of diabetes. If your symptoms are being dismissed as minor, when you know they are affecting your quality of life… find a new health professional who will take you seriously. It is your right to have a supportive health guide who will not judge or dismiss you.

MYTH 4: PCOS goes away after menopause, or a hysterectomy will fix all my problems.

WRONG! After menopause, a lot of changes occur. Some of your PCOS symptoms may subside such as period problems obviously, but the underlying metabolic causes of PCOS will still be there. Menopause will not cure your PCOS, although it will affect you differently. You may still experience excess hair and acne, weight gain, and sugar cravings. Although the name of the syndrome implies an ovarian basis, cystic ovaries are really just another one of the possible symptoms that you can experience. Don’t be fooled into thinking a hysterectomy will fix all your problems either. As with menopause, it will stop period problems, but it won’t stop the other symptoms. After menopause or a hysterectomy, you are more at risk of weight gain, osteoporosis, hot flushes, and cardiovascular disease. PCOS is a whole body condition that requires a more ‘holistic approach’.

MYTH 5: The oral contraceptive pill will ‘regulate’ my cycle.

SOUNDS RIGHT, BUT IS TECHNICALLY WRONG! Taking the pill will provide your body with artificial hormones to simulate what a normal cycle is supposed to be. It gives you a period regularly which can prevent the lining of the uterus from building up which is beneficial, and it is also a good contraceptive, and can reduce symptoms such as acne and excess hair. BUT, most pills actually make insulin resistance WORSE! Why take something that is going to stimulate one of the main factors contributing to your symptoms? The pill may also increase the development of atherosclerosis, a process that leads to heart disease in which PCOS women are more at risk of. So, the pill is not really regulating your cycle because it is not allowing your body to do the work, it is doing the work for your body. A regulated cycle is one that is occurring regularly of it’s own accord.

(source for above)